(It's hard for me to post anything above #200.)
(But I'm just going to do it, and then it will be done.)
When I was a kid, my uncle Tom always used to get on my case for apologizing too much.
"Don't say your sorry."
"Sorry."
"QUIT IT."
"Sor...er, okay."
Who knows if I ever actually scaled back or not on the apologizing. It's like I was born apologizing for taking up too much space, for breathing too much air. He stopped bugging me about it, after awhile, so for some amount of time it must have gotten better.
Recently, though, the universe has decided to make a point.
First, Todd told me to stop apologizing. Stop saying you're sorry, you don't have to be sorry, etc. I understood the sentiment but didn't think much of it at the time.
A week later, a student that I've had for the past 3 months raised his hand in class.
"Teacher, why you say sorry?"
"What, Andy?"
"Every day, 'Sorry.' It's okay, Teacher, don't be sorry."
"Ummm, thank you, Andy. You're right."
I thought about what he said, and realized I do say "I'm sorry" an awful lot to my students. That is not to say that I don't mean it. I mean it, very much. I believe, however, that the point he was making is not to stop saying I'm sorry, but to stop actually feeling sorry about everything.
This week, he reminded me. "Teacher, I said stop saying sorry." Insert missing-toothed grin here.
Then, last night, at a bar, I squeezed past a large, middle-aged American man. I said I was sorry.
"Hey. Don't say you're sorry."
"Um .... okay. Pardon me?"
"Yeah, that's better. Huh, you're hot."
While I left that last encounter creeped out, I must say:
Alright, Universe. I get the message, and I'm climbing on board.
3 comments:
you know gibbs says that, too...
darling,
thank. fucking. god. :)
i apologize constantly to customers at work. it's just so EASY. people can be upset with you for their food or beverages taking too long, they can be mad about a price, they can just be mothereffing asshats, but when you apologize to them, they ease up. they're more pleasant. sometimes they even feel sorry for you. you know why?
you're giving the power back to them.
i mean power in the cheesiest, most metaphorical way. i mean that i'm ceding the dominance, the control of the situation, to them.
and it's GREAT for work. whatever makes the shift more pleasant for all involved is EXACTLY what i want to be doing.
but you (and i--i'm guilty of this in my real interactions as well) need to man the fuck up (ignoring the potentially sexist connotations of that particular turn of phrase) and not do that in day-to-day conversation. it's not useful.
(i say all of these things with full knowledge that i never, ever apologize to those i love, even when i should. which is probably something i should work on.)
(so, i had this paper that was due 28 minutes ago. i'ma stop waitress-philosophizin' now. love you. sorry i've been incommunicado. rough week. talk soon? tonight, your time? i'll email you when i get up.)
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