1. I drove my old red car onto a street in Manhattan that I knew I wasn't supposed to be driving on, but I was in a hurry. 20+ militia members, mostly women, appeared from nowhere to point their machine guns at my car. It was made clear to me that I, because I was somehow involved with the police, should have known better than to stray into their territory.
2. Someone was making a movie using some of my students, in our classrooms. They were filming while I was trying to teach, and our classrooms were so big that I was in charge of two classes at a time. In this dream, Kindergarten was in the basement, and the rooms were huuuuuuuuge. Andy had the starring role in this film, and Dylan, from college, appeared out of nowhere to visit. He took off his shirt. It was awkward.
3. I was trying to smuggle Ben and Eric to Mexico, through a tunnel in my basement. I got questioned by the police about it, hoping they wouldn't find the tunnel, in between the two-show-a-night I was performing of something.
The moral of the story:
inner demons + NCIS/CSI/X-FILES before bedtime = adventure
21 December 2009
13 December 2009
I'm Not Sorry
(It's hard for me to post anything above #200.)
(But I'm just going to do it, and then it will be done.)
When I was a kid, my uncle Tom always used to get on my case for apologizing too much.
"Don't say your sorry."
"Sorry."
"QUIT IT."
"Sor...er, okay."
Who knows if I ever actually scaled back or not on the apologizing. It's like I was born apologizing for taking up too much space, for breathing too much air. He stopped bugging me about it, after awhile, so for some amount of time it must have gotten better.
Recently, though, the universe has decided to make a point.
First, Todd told me to stop apologizing. Stop saying you're sorry, you don't have to be sorry, etc. I understood the sentiment but didn't think much of it at the time.
A week later, a student that I've had for the past 3 months raised his hand in class.
"Teacher, why you say sorry?"
"What, Andy?"
"Every day, 'Sorry.' It's okay, Teacher, don't be sorry."
"Ummm, thank you, Andy. You're right."
I thought about what he said, and realized I do say "I'm sorry" an awful lot to my students. That is not to say that I don't mean it. I mean it, very much. I believe, however, that the point he was making is not to stop saying I'm sorry, but to stop actually feeling sorry about everything.
This week, he reminded me. "Teacher, I said stop saying sorry." Insert missing-toothed grin here.
Then, last night, at a bar, I squeezed past a large, middle-aged American man. I said I was sorry.
"Hey. Don't say you're sorry."
"Um .... okay. Pardon me?"
"Yeah, that's better. Huh, you're hot."
While I left that last encounter creeped out, I must say:
Alright, Universe. I get the message, and I'm climbing on board.
(But I'm just going to do it, and then it will be done.)
When I was a kid, my uncle Tom always used to get on my case for apologizing too much.
"Don't say your sorry."
"Sorry."
"QUIT IT."
"Sor...er, okay."
Who knows if I ever actually scaled back or not on the apologizing. It's like I was born apologizing for taking up too much space, for breathing too much air. He stopped bugging me about it, after awhile, so for some amount of time it must have gotten better.
Recently, though, the universe has decided to make a point.
First, Todd told me to stop apologizing. Stop saying you're sorry, you don't have to be sorry, etc. I understood the sentiment but didn't think much of it at the time.
A week later, a student that I've had for the past 3 months raised his hand in class.
"Teacher, why you say sorry?"
"What, Andy?"
"Every day, 'Sorry.' It's okay, Teacher, don't be sorry."
"Ummm, thank you, Andy. You're right."
I thought about what he said, and realized I do say "I'm sorry" an awful lot to my students. That is not to say that I don't mean it. I mean it, very much. I believe, however, that the point he was making is not to stop saying I'm sorry, but to stop actually feeling sorry about everything.
This week, he reminded me. "Teacher, I said stop saying sorry." Insert missing-toothed grin here.
Then, last night, at a bar, I squeezed past a large, middle-aged American man. I said I was sorry.
"Hey. Don't say you're sorry."
"Um .... okay. Pardon me?"
"Yeah, that's better. Huh, you're hot."
While I left that last encounter creeped out, I must say:
Alright, Universe. I get the message, and I'm climbing on board.
03 December 2009
two hundred
Sitting at a tiny table, listening to a dance mix, drinking a glass of wine, living on the East side of Seoul, South Korea, is not where I'd have ever guessed I'd be writing the retrospective, behemoth, epic, brilliant, funny, widely read and quoted, earth-shattering 200th post on this blog. However, where did I really expect to be when I wrote this post? Would I have had any guess at all? When I wrote the first post, back in September 2005, did I think I'd write 200 posts in a year or two? Did I know it would take me more than 4 years and 3 major moves to write a mere 200 brief entries on the state of life/ random musings? Did I know that 200 would seem like a milestone? Did I even think I'd make it to 200?
Probably not, since it took me 6 entries to quit writing on a Myspace blog.
I still contend that I've made the right decision. Even if, it turns out, there are myriad other blogging sites that are just as good or perhaps better than this one. I was still right in my assessment that Myspace is an ugly confusing waste of space, and not a place I want to keep my musings, trivial or otherwise. Especially not 200 of them.
Who read this when I first started writing it? 2005, when I wrote about my fascination with bees and random art in Lawrence, KS, and whatever crossed my mind (my style and content haven't every really graduated to a next level, only changing location drastically at certain intervals) ... my last year of undergrad ... I think maybe Josh Efron and LLM, probably Ari because I wrote a lot of it from her computer ... I was just writing for myself, which isn't such a bad way to begin. Even now, even today, my parents reminded me that no matter the audience, I am absolutely forbidden from self-editing, whether it be for content or style. Which is about the best thing your parents could ever forbid you from. "You are forbidden to be anything other than who you are, even if you are at times utterly crass and emotional." Thank you, parents.
So, you've been warned, whoever you are out there, all 3 or 7 or 100 of you, that this 200th post will be a swirling, shifting, non-linear epic retrospective bit of nonsense covering, well, whatever I feel like from the last 4-odd years. Don't say I didn't warn you. I may like lists in short form, but this will be nothing like a list. This will be like a short novel that has no beginning, middle, and ending, despite my constant request for that kind of information from my 8-year-old students. I am currently The Man, requiring that every sentence start with a capital letter and every story have a clear beginning, middle and ending ... but only so they can properly rebel against it when they all decide to write avant garde poetry, in English, when they're 14. Right? Right?
What do I even remember of the time in between? What have become the prevailing memories and attitudes of these last 4 years? It's easy to forget how much you can pack into that little amount of time. Especially when you're young and you haven't settled anywhere in particular and you experience a huge range of emotions at all times.
I just had a really self-conscious moment, you'd think I'd have more of them, where I realized that I'm totally just airing my dirty laundry here for anyone to see. Here it is, flying in the breeze. Who am I hoping will be interested in my dirty laundry? I guess it all stems from my fascination with creative non-fiction. Perhaps I'm hoping that practice will make perfect and someday I really will end up working for This American Life.
Anyway, here it is. Here's the version in brief, and in some places, in detail. Here is what I remember, or what I choose to remember.
There are things I remember which may never have happened but as I recall them so they take place.
So.
Fall 2005. I was living in a studio apartment, sharing a private entrance with one of my best friends who lived across the hall from me. I could leave my dirty coffee cups wherever I pleased, she could eat crunchy crackers for breakfast out of earshot of me (read: we could keep our neuroses beautifully separate from one another). We shared a toaster oven and a coffee pot. We watched movies on her TV, snuggling in her bed. We both did a little bit of pining. Hers panned out, mine was the beginning of the end of yet another painful romance in my life.
Spring 2005. I had a chance to travel to Memphis, Minneapolis, and Santa Fe. I briefly dropped 15 pounds and felt prettier and more physically self-confident that I had in years; I have not ever felt as good since. I drank a lot of water, ate a lot beets, and managed to finish my last semester while finishing my senior project and two plays at the same time. I had crushes on men who designed lights and sound. One dark, one sandy. I speak to neither now, but they still exist somewhere out there.
I moved home, went on dates with two different boys in three months, eventually regretted ever having to leave the second one because he is truly beautiful and talented and kind and really liked me. I directed kids, performed a solo performance, ran around like crazy in a green dress in the Doctor's directorial debut, and spent a lot of time using my new computer, stealing internet and smoking countless cigarettes. I walked around in summer rainstorms and watched bands in basements and bookstores and living rooms.
Fall 2006 - Spring 2007. I moved out of Kansas for the first time in my life, into an apartment that I couldn't afford the security deposit on. I got a job at a bakery, where I proceeded to be consistently late, constantly convinced I'd be fired, and thoroughly looked after and loved. I even spent Thanksgiving in my boss's mother's apartment, looking at original art dedicated to said mother, meeting relatives that worked for NPR and eating 5 different kinds of pie. I got hired at my other job the same day I went to see Little Miss Sunshine with my ex-flame, the one I didn't really tell anyone about until 2007, hereafter referred to as "Collegiate Romance." I, for the first time, really felt the flush of having a major goal and accomplishing it, as an adult. I went to New York to work for a major living idol and not only never got yelled at by him, but got hired to sell tickets, stood in for an actor, and got a hug from one of the grumpiest men on this planet on my last day. Cheers to you, Mr. Sleepy! You are everything I had hoped you would be. You would think I was a twit for talking about you like that. Doesn't make it less true. So, goal accomplished.
I spent some quality time living with two vastly different, beautiful New York ladies, hailing from Kansas and Texas, respectively. I was, incredibly, visited by 1. an adorable Russian beauty, 2. my mother, 3. my father (separate trips, mind you), 4. my best friend since always (we both had colds and watched movies the whole time and it was awesome), and 5. my best friend since college (we drank whiskey and snuggled and fell in love with NY together). That's love - 5 people who paid countless dollars to get on planes and fly to see me.
I had the following restaurants burned into the pleasure center of my brain: 1. liquiteria (juices, smoothies), 2. Blue 9 Burger (the first hamburger I ever spent my own money on), 3. Round the Clock Diner, 4. Dumont, 5. Roebling Tea House, 6. Oslo Coffeeshop, and nothingcanevertopit, 7. MOTO. Baked Apple Pancakes, Baked Eggs with Mixed Greens and Grilled Toast, Daily Risotto, wine and Americanos and not a single taste that wasn't a freaking ballet in my mouth, plus live music in a restaurant with a capacity of about 20... I melted the soul of my favorite boot there, on a space heater at the table by the door... I wish that someone could fly me there to eat RIGHT NOW.
Shortly before my departure from that dirty, pretty city, I busted my chin on the face of a short, gorgeous blond in dark specs named Thom. I remember that evening in the most beautiful detail: a really sharp outfit, including ridiculous mustard yellow boots, The Fall and Rise of the Rising Fallen, free German beer, talking to Peter about books and how he knew that Miranda would quit smoking when they got serious about having a child, smoking cigarettes out the window once most people had cleared out, betting Thom that we would be the last two people there, though we didn't know each other, winning that bet, and having a pretty lovely time wandering around Manhattan and Brooklyn with him thereafter.
Collegiate Romance made an appearance at my going away party, I feel in order to bookend my experience in NY, having unexpectedly appeared at my housewarming party, as well. I remember running down the 5 flights of stairs after him to tell him that I was glad that we were friendly again after all the time that had passed. Which was not untrue.
Summmer 2007. A trek to my version of the Great White North. Finally made a go of it in the city that always acted as a place of solace when it acted as a strange vacation destination. Sat on the couch, unemployed, watching Huff. Worked one day as a temp food service worker, only to show up early and sweat through my white and black, to be rewarded by drinking wine at the temporary boss's digs in the burbs. As pleasant as that turned out to be, luckily I got the only job I really wanted in the Twin Cities, working for the people who reduced a proscenium to a pile of rubble before my very eyes, who could make me laugh at the cruelty of human beings before crying at the beauty, who could turn it all upside down and then make it all make sense again. I got hired to answer their phones and their emails, to arrange their school matinees, and if I could still be there right now, I would be. If I could have saved them, I would have. If I could have won the lottery and been their benefactor, consider it done. Granted, I may have had my complaints, but I was working for people I respected, doing work I didn't mind, and the perks really outweighed to the annoyances, til the very end. I got one of my favorite friends out of the deal, I saw beautiful things being created, I got to spend time creating in their space, and I got to work for yet another of my real, living idols.
"Production Managing" America:aciremA, and I think costing people more money than they made, just to run the sound cues.
Due to some vouching from Elliott, wrangled a coffee date with Skewed Visions. First, it felt like accomplishing a goal, in an embarrassing sort of way. Later, it felt like I was exactly where I had always wanted to be without even knowing it.
Winter 2007. A Christmas Carol Finale, Version I. Met future boyfriend, who ditched me, eventually, via email. Felt like that was karmic retribution, while at the same time feeling like I deserved someone who could quit me to my face. Found out later he was not only a coward but also a cheater. Oh, well.
Did a show I felt was a chore, but got to hang out with great people and play the accordion in the meantime.
Went on a date with a red-headed narcissist. He is alternately worse and much better than I make him out to be.
Spring 2008. Wrote and directed a show that was able to explain more in 10 minutes about my heartbreak than 4 years of alternately talking about it and keeping it a secret had. Got my heart all tangled in something else as a result. May have broken a heart in there somewhere, too.
Saw Rilo Kiley, and realized I really did like their last album.
Quit smoking, with the help of some Juicy Fruit-flavored nicotine gum that really tasted like pepper and eventually I REALLY liked. Smokeless after a decade of delicious cigarettes daily.
Spent a week in California. It's beautiful and looks like a movie set. At least, it does if you spend a week in Orange. I ran into a classmate from college there, which made the world small. I had a week long crush on a boy who was twenty and had a mustache.
Summer/Fall 2008. Haze of job loss and too much fun and too many feelings and a trip to Colorado. A calm descended for a few months, and while the storm that followed perhaps has ended, the aftermath is still being sifted.
Coffee was slung and paper suits were worn and that was beautiful.
My Poison Ivy costume for Halloween was pretty awesome.
Winter 2009. A Christmas Carole Finale Mach 2. More songs, better voice for lack of cigarettes. Handled the Minnesota winter and my life weakly. My car totally made it through the winter, and wasn't so bad, once I got the heater fixed.
Got a job stocking natural foods at a fast-growing and fabulous market. (All food stores are markets at this point in my life, due to teaching vocabulary to small children.) The health of my knees declined while my knowledge of health foods increased exponentially.
Spring 2009. Coffee and kombucha. Pinter. Waking Up in a Strange Place Called Home, running around in uniform, sharing the spotlight with my Mercury Tracer that could be heard for miles around.
Summer 2009. Love Me or Die!, and all of the wonderful people that it involved, and all that it took to accomplish.
Shortly after rehearsing for Artery 24 and eating a giant burrito, my car broke down on Central Avenue and was pushed out of traffic by a variety of strong and very loyal friends, who let me drink their Sonic beverages in the heat, and eventually, my car got towed to the municipal lot. In the end, I donated it, which is the best ending to that story.
My love of a certain few friends swelled beyond measure, just in time for me to board a plane with a suitcase full of unsuitable clothing and a head full of muddled thoughts.
Fall 2009. Oh, yeah. I came here, in part, to be in a position to have lots of time for self-reflection. For self-improvement. I feel like neither is being accomplished, but at least I'm getting a sort of jump start on the first bit by doing some written reflection here, and beginning to write a bit on the weekends. I wanted to be someplace where I didn't need two jobs, where I wasn't constantly attached to extra-curricular activities.
I'm wondering if maybe, while often rendering me too busy for sleep, if perhaps those extra-curriculars didn't offer me a bit of grounding that I'm now missing here in these far reaches. I do miss being with people and making things, and part of my quest was to confirm whether or not I would, in fact, miss that. Okay, I do.
I was asked recently when the last time I'd done something purely selfish was, something that focused inward and attempted to make my life a better one, and in the moment, I completely forgot that this trip was supposed to be that, completely. I've gotten so caught up in whether or not I'm any good at my job, whether I'm ruining the lives (or at least the afternoons) of small children, that I'd forgotten that I came here for no one other than me. That I didn't come here expecting anything more than some solace. Solace that I've not been allowing myself to find.
I came here hoping I'd feel a little more calm, a little less crazy than I had felt back home, by stripping away some of the time consumption ... forgetting that I'd have to learn a whole new skill set, perhaps make a new set of friends, create a whole new temporary little life.
I guess it's time for me to remember what I'm here for and get to it. It's time to be self-centered, in the best way possible. Give myself as much room as I need to become, well, myself. Do all the things I've always wanted to do but felt too busy to actually get done. Learn that making myself happy isn't selfish.
Hey!
List time!
Korea!
PROS:
1. The kids are adorable.
2. They make me laugh.
3. It's cheap to live here.
4. The public transportation is awesome.
5. There is plenty of coffee to drink. (Though I continue to drink powdered instant coffee at work even though it tastes poisonous. I can't stop! MUST GET A COFFEEMAKER!)
6. My job pays my rent.
7. I don't need a visa to go to Thailand for vacation.
8. I get to live alone.
9. I have a friend close by, and we care about what happens to each other.
10. I have some other friends, not too far away, who are delightful.
11. I have internet access.
12. The wine at the Home Plus Express is pretty cheap.
13. I talk to my parents on a regular basis.
14. Teaching is making me want to learn.
15. I have enough time that I will have enough time to go to the gym. When I stop being a slacker.
16. I may get to teach even tinier students next semester. BRING IT.
CONS:
1. I sometimes fear I am confusing my students more than I am teaching them.
2. I hate disciplining students.
3. STOP TALKING. No, I don't mean my students.
4. I am deathly homesick for my parents and those currently braving winter in Minneapolis.
5. I just want to get healthy, and as said above, I am being a slacker. I get no exercise. I eat vegetables only when they come with rice at a restaurant. I eat mostly bread and noodles. I drink mostly coffee and wine. Really, this just sounds like I need some good, serious New Years Resolutions, doesn't it? I just feel like a pale, puffed fish every day, and if I can't get around to doing anything about it now, it's only going to get worse.
6. Please be patient.
7. All my crazy is coming out full force, and I have only a hand full of friends with whom to share it in person. I feel at risk of alienating them with the crazy. It's made me realize that I'd at some point like to work through the crazy, instead of just living through it when it rears its head. I want to feel stronger. I want to be less scared of admitting those parts of myself.
8. I can't explain adverbs and that makes me feel like a fraud.
So, PROS currently outway CONS, in both quality and quantity. So, that's good. I'll keep working on that PROS list. Not so much that I'll stay here forever, mind you, just enough to make the next 9 months as awesome as they can be.
THINGS YOU CAN DO TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER STARTING FROM THE MICRO AND BY YOU I MEAN ME or WINTER 2010:
1. Join a gym.
2. Buy a coffeemaker for the teacher's room.
3. Get some clothes that make you feel less like a slob.
4. Have more dance parties. Alone in your room, just like you like them.
5. Take deep breaths.
6. Go outside more.
7. Really start researching grad schools.
8. Drink more water.
9. Write more. It always makes you feel good.
10. Learn Korean.
Hey. You. I like you. Thank you for reading, and for caring enough to do so. If you made it all the way through this, this MONSTER, congratulations. You win a prize and my unconditional love and gratitude. It was more than a little melodramatic at times. It was more than a little long-winded beginning to end. But for two hundred I've extended "don't self-edit" to "don't edit at all" and this is what you get. So there.
1 degree,
2 bad knees,
2 and 1/2 boyfriends,
3 broken hearts,
4 years,
5 changes of location,
12 jobs,
137 zits,
200 posts,
870 grey hairs,
1000 tears,
2920 cups of coffee,
9430 emails not deleted,
at least 10,000 laughs,
and so much love,
b
Probably not, since it took me 6 entries to quit writing on a Myspace blog.
I still contend that I've made the right decision. Even if, it turns out, there are myriad other blogging sites that are just as good or perhaps better than this one. I was still right in my assessment that Myspace is an ugly confusing waste of space, and not a place I want to keep my musings, trivial or otherwise. Especially not 200 of them.
Who read this when I first started writing it? 2005, when I wrote about my fascination with bees and random art in Lawrence, KS, and whatever crossed my mind (my style and content haven't every really graduated to a next level, only changing location drastically at certain intervals) ... my last year of undergrad ... I think maybe Josh Efron and LLM, probably Ari because I wrote a lot of it from her computer ... I was just writing for myself, which isn't such a bad way to begin. Even now, even today, my parents reminded me that no matter the audience, I am absolutely forbidden from self-editing, whether it be for content or style. Which is about the best thing your parents could ever forbid you from. "You are forbidden to be anything other than who you are, even if you are at times utterly crass and emotional." Thank you, parents.
So, you've been warned, whoever you are out there, all 3 or 7 or 100 of you, that this 200th post will be a swirling, shifting, non-linear epic retrospective bit of nonsense covering, well, whatever I feel like from the last 4-odd years. Don't say I didn't warn you. I may like lists in short form, but this will be nothing like a list. This will be like a short novel that has no beginning, middle, and ending, despite my constant request for that kind of information from my 8-year-old students. I am currently The Man, requiring that every sentence start with a capital letter and every story have a clear beginning, middle and ending ... but only so they can properly rebel against it when they all decide to write avant garde poetry, in English, when they're 14. Right? Right?
What do I even remember of the time in between? What have become the prevailing memories and attitudes of these last 4 years? It's easy to forget how much you can pack into that little amount of time. Especially when you're young and you haven't settled anywhere in particular and you experience a huge range of emotions at all times.
I just had a really self-conscious moment, you'd think I'd have more of them, where I realized that I'm totally just airing my dirty laundry here for anyone to see. Here it is, flying in the breeze. Who am I hoping will be interested in my dirty laundry? I guess it all stems from my fascination with creative non-fiction. Perhaps I'm hoping that practice will make perfect and someday I really will end up working for This American Life.
Anyway, here it is. Here's the version in brief, and in some places, in detail. Here is what I remember, or what I choose to remember.
There are things I remember which may never have happened but as I recall them so they take place.
So.
Fall 2005. I was living in a studio apartment, sharing a private entrance with one of my best friends who lived across the hall from me. I could leave my dirty coffee cups wherever I pleased, she could eat crunchy crackers for breakfast out of earshot of me (read: we could keep our neuroses beautifully separate from one another). We shared a toaster oven and a coffee pot. We watched movies on her TV, snuggling in her bed. We both did a little bit of pining. Hers panned out, mine was the beginning of the end of yet another painful romance in my life.
Spring 2005. I had a chance to travel to Memphis, Minneapolis, and Santa Fe. I briefly dropped 15 pounds and felt prettier and more physically self-confident that I had in years; I have not ever felt as good since. I drank a lot of water, ate a lot beets, and managed to finish my last semester while finishing my senior project and two plays at the same time. I had crushes on men who designed lights and sound. One dark, one sandy. I speak to neither now, but they still exist somewhere out there.
I moved home, went on dates with two different boys in three months, eventually regretted ever having to leave the second one because he is truly beautiful and talented and kind and really liked me. I directed kids, performed a solo performance, ran around like crazy in a green dress in the Doctor's directorial debut, and spent a lot of time using my new computer, stealing internet and smoking countless cigarettes. I walked around in summer rainstorms and watched bands in basements and bookstores and living rooms.
Fall 2006 - Spring 2007. I moved out of Kansas for the first time in my life, into an apartment that I couldn't afford the security deposit on. I got a job at a bakery, where I proceeded to be consistently late, constantly convinced I'd be fired, and thoroughly looked after and loved. I even spent Thanksgiving in my boss's mother's apartment, looking at original art dedicated to said mother, meeting relatives that worked for NPR and eating 5 different kinds of pie. I got hired at my other job the same day I went to see Little Miss Sunshine with my ex-flame, the one I didn't really tell anyone about until 2007, hereafter referred to as "Collegiate Romance." I, for the first time, really felt the flush of having a major goal and accomplishing it, as an adult. I went to New York to work for a major living idol and not only never got yelled at by him, but got hired to sell tickets, stood in for an actor, and got a hug from one of the grumpiest men on this planet on my last day. Cheers to you, Mr. Sleepy! You are everything I had hoped you would be. You would think I was a twit for talking about you like that. Doesn't make it less true. So, goal accomplished.
I spent some quality time living with two vastly different, beautiful New York ladies, hailing from Kansas and Texas, respectively. I was, incredibly, visited by 1. an adorable Russian beauty, 2. my mother, 3. my father (separate trips, mind you), 4. my best friend since always (we both had colds and watched movies the whole time and it was awesome), and 5. my best friend since college (we drank whiskey and snuggled and fell in love with NY together). That's love - 5 people who paid countless dollars to get on planes and fly to see me.
I had the following restaurants burned into the pleasure center of my brain: 1. liquiteria (juices, smoothies), 2. Blue 9 Burger (the first hamburger I ever spent my own money on), 3. Round the Clock Diner, 4. Dumont, 5. Roebling Tea House, 6. Oslo Coffeeshop, and nothingcanevertopit, 7. MOTO. Baked Apple Pancakes, Baked Eggs with Mixed Greens and Grilled Toast, Daily Risotto, wine and Americanos and not a single taste that wasn't a freaking ballet in my mouth, plus live music in a restaurant with a capacity of about 20... I melted the soul of my favorite boot there, on a space heater at the table by the door... I wish that someone could fly me there to eat RIGHT NOW.
Shortly before my departure from that dirty, pretty city, I busted my chin on the face of a short, gorgeous blond in dark specs named Thom. I remember that evening in the most beautiful detail: a really sharp outfit, including ridiculous mustard yellow boots, The Fall and Rise of the Rising Fallen, free German beer, talking to Peter about books and how he knew that Miranda would quit smoking when they got serious about having a child, smoking cigarettes out the window once most people had cleared out, betting Thom that we would be the last two people there, though we didn't know each other, winning that bet, and having a pretty lovely time wandering around Manhattan and Brooklyn with him thereafter.
Collegiate Romance made an appearance at my going away party, I feel in order to bookend my experience in NY, having unexpectedly appeared at my housewarming party, as well. I remember running down the 5 flights of stairs after him to tell him that I was glad that we were friendly again after all the time that had passed. Which was not untrue.
Summmer 2007. A trek to my version of the Great White North. Finally made a go of it in the city that always acted as a place of solace when it acted as a strange vacation destination. Sat on the couch, unemployed, watching Huff. Worked one day as a temp food service worker, only to show up early and sweat through my white and black, to be rewarded by drinking wine at the temporary boss's digs in the burbs. As pleasant as that turned out to be, luckily I got the only job I really wanted in the Twin Cities, working for the people who reduced a proscenium to a pile of rubble before my very eyes, who could make me laugh at the cruelty of human beings before crying at the beauty, who could turn it all upside down and then make it all make sense again. I got hired to answer their phones and their emails, to arrange their school matinees, and if I could still be there right now, I would be. If I could have saved them, I would have. If I could have won the lottery and been their benefactor, consider it done. Granted, I may have had my complaints, but I was working for people I respected, doing work I didn't mind, and the perks really outweighed to the annoyances, til the very end. I got one of my favorite friends out of the deal, I saw beautiful things being created, I got to spend time creating in their space, and I got to work for yet another of my real, living idols.
"Production Managing" America:aciremA, and I think costing people more money than they made, just to run the sound cues.
Due to some vouching from Elliott, wrangled a coffee date with Skewed Visions. First, it felt like accomplishing a goal, in an embarrassing sort of way. Later, it felt like I was exactly where I had always wanted to be without even knowing it.
Winter 2007. A Christmas Carol Finale, Version I. Met future boyfriend, who ditched me, eventually, via email. Felt like that was karmic retribution, while at the same time feeling like I deserved someone who could quit me to my face. Found out later he was not only a coward but also a cheater. Oh, well.
Did a show I felt was a chore, but got to hang out with great people and play the accordion in the meantime.
Went on a date with a red-headed narcissist. He is alternately worse and much better than I make him out to be.
Spring 2008. Wrote and directed a show that was able to explain more in 10 minutes about my heartbreak than 4 years of alternately talking about it and keeping it a secret had. Got my heart all tangled in something else as a result. May have broken a heart in there somewhere, too.
Saw Rilo Kiley, and realized I really did like their last album.
Quit smoking, with the help of some Juicy Fruit-flavored nicotine gum that really tasted like pepper and eventually I REALLY liked. Smokeless after a decade of delicious cigarettes daily.
Spent a week in California. It's beautiful and looks like a movie set. At least, it does if you spend a week in Orange. I ran into a classmate from college there, which made the world small. I had a week long crush on a boy who was twenty and had a mustache.
Summer/Fall 2008. Haze of job loss and too much fun and too many feelings and a trip to Colorado. A calm descended for a few months, and while the storm that followed perhaps has ended, the aftermath is still being sifted.
Coffee was slung and paper suits were worn and that was beautiful.
My Poison Ivy costume for Halloween was pretty awesome.
Winter 2009. A Christmas Carole Finale Mach 2. More songs, better voice for lack of cigarettes. Handled the Minnesota winter and my life weakly. My car totally made it through the winter, and wasn't so bad, once I got the heater fixed.
Got a job stocking natural foods at a fast-growing and fabulous market. (All food stores are markets at this point in my life, due to teaching vocabulary to small children.) The health of my knees declined while my knowledge of health foods increased exponentially.
Spring 2009. Coffee and kombucha. Pinter. Waking Up in a Strange Place Called Home, running around in uniform, sharing the spotlight with my Mercury Tracer that could be heard for miles around.
Summer 2009. Love Me or Die!, and all of the wonderful people that it involved, and all that it took to accomplish.
Shortly after rehearsing for Artery 24 and eating a giant burrito, my car broke down on Central Avenue and was pushed out of traffic by a variety of strong and very loyal friends, who let me drink their Sonic beverages in the heat, and eventually, my car got towed to the municipal lot. In the end, I donated it, which is the best ending to that story.
My love of a certain few friends swelled beyond measure, just in time for me to board a plane with a suitcase full of unsuitable clothing and a head full of muddled thoughts.
Fall 2009. Oh, yeah. I came here, in part, to be in a position to have lots of time for self-reflection. For self-improvement. I feel like neither is being accomplished, but at least I'm getting a sort of jump start on the first bit by doing some written reflection here, and beginning to write a bit on the weekends. I wanted to be someplace where I didn't need two jobs, where I wasn't constantly attached to extra-curricular activities.
I'm wondering if maybe, while often rendering me too busy for sleep, if perhaps those extra-curriculars didn't offer me a bit of grounding that I'm now missing here in these far reaches. I do miss being with people and making things, and part of my quest was to confirm whether or not I would, in fact, miss that. Okay, I do.
I was asked recently when the last time I'd done something purely selfish was, something that focused inward and attempted to make my life a better one, and in the moment, I completely forgot that this trip was supposed to be that, completely. I've gotten so caught up in whether or not I'm any good at my job, whether I'm ruining the lives (or at least the afternoons) of small children, that I'd forgotten that I came here for no one other than me. That I didn't come here expecting anything more than some solace. Solace that I've not been allowing myself to find.
I came here hoping I'd feel a little more calm, a little less crazy than I had felt back home, by stripping away some of the time consumption ... forgetting that I'd have to learn a whole new skill set, perhaps make a new set of friends, create a whole new temporary little life.
I guess it's time for me to remember what I'm here for and get to it. It's time to be self-centered, in the best way possible. Give myself as much room as I need to become, well, myself. Do all the things I've always wanted to do but felt too busy to actually get done. Learn that making myself happy isn't selfish.
Hey!
List time!
Korea!
PROS:
1. The kids are adorable.
2. They make me laugh.
3. It's cheap to live here.
4. The public transportation is awesome.
5. There is plenty of coffee to drink. (Though I continue to drink powdered instant coffee at work even though it tastes poisonous. I can't stop! MUST GET A COFFEEMAKER!)
6. My job pays my rent.
7. I don't need a visa to go to Thailand for vacation.
8. I get to live alone.
9. I have a friend close by, and we care about what happens to each other.
10. I have some other friends, not too far away, who are delightful.
11. I have internet access.
12. The wine at the Home Plus Express is pretty cheap.
13. I talk to my parents on a regular basis.
14. Teaching is making me want to learn.
15. I have enough time that I will have enough time to go to the gym. When I stop being a slacker.
16. I may get to teach even tinier students next semester. BRING IT.
CONS:
1. I sometimes fear I am confusing my students more than I am teaching them.
2. I hate disciplining students.
3. STOP TALKING. No, I don't mean my students.
4. I am deathly homesick for my parents and those currently braving winter in Minneapolis.
5. I just want to get healthy, and as said above, I am being a slacker. I get no exercise. I eat vegetables only when they come with rice at a restaurant. I eat mostly bread and noodles. I drink mostly coffee and wine. Really, this just sounds like I need some good, serious New Years Resolutions, doesn't it? I just feel like a pale, puffed fish every day, and if I can't get around to doing anything about it now, it's only going to get worse.
6. Please be patient.
7. All my crazy is coming out full force, and I have only a hand full of friends with whom to share it in person. I feel at risk of alienating them with the crazy. It's made me realize that I'd at some point like to work through the crazy, instead of just living through it when it rears its head. I want to feel stronger. I want to be less scared of admitting those parts of myself.
8. I can't explain adverbs and that makes me feel like a fraud.
So, PROS currently outway CONS, in both quality and quantity. So, that's good. I'll keep working on that PROS list. Not so much that I'll stay here forever, mind you, just enough to make the next 9 months as awesome as they can be.
THINGS YOU CAN DO TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER STARTING FROM THE MICRO AND BY YOU I MEAN ME or WINTER 2010:
1. Join a gym.
2. Buy a coffeemaker for the teacher's room.
3. Get some clothes that make you feel less like a slob.
4. Have more dance parties. Alone in your room, just like you like them.
5. Take deep breaths.
6. Go outside more.
7. Really start researching grad schools.
8. Drink more water.
9. Write more. It always makes you feel good.
10. Learn Korean.
Hey. You. I like you. Thank you for reading, and for caring enough to do so. If you made it all the way through this, this MONSTER, congratulations. You win a prize and my unconditional love and gratitude. It was more than a little melodramatic at times. It was more than a little long-winded beginning to end. But for two hundred I've extended "don't self-edit" to "don't edit at all" and this is what you get. So there.
1 degree,
2 bad knees,
2 and 1/2 boyfriends,
3 broken hearts,
4 years,
5 changes of location,
12 jobs,
137 zits,
200 posts,
870 grey hairs,
1000 tears,
2920 cups of coffee,
9430 emails not deleted,
at least 10,000 laughs,
and so much love,
b
18 November 2009
pleased to meet you
2 cryers today, HOWEVER, Julie made friends with Monica today and started to speak, out loud, in sentences. BREAKTHROUGH, PEOPLE. It was awesome.
I wish you could see all of these kids, in person, in all their rambunctious, idiosyncratic glory. In our most fluid moments, it's like conducting, paying attention to each instrument at once, giving them their moment, trying to fit them all into an understandable whole. In many moments, we're a mash up of marching band and orchestra, everyone playing at once in a totally different keys, drummers and brass and squeaky violins, me with a broken conductor's wand, so small that no one can see me waving it furiously.
And so it goes.
Speaking of 'furiously,' today we did adverbs in the 2nd grade level class, and while it's easy to teach 'describes a verb,' it's not so easy when it's 'describes an adjective or another adverb.' Also, 'ends in -ly' is one thing, but then there's 'there' and 'here' and 'then' and 'now,' which really ought to be 3 lessons instead of just one. Also, I don't remember EVER learning about adverbs. Not directly, not by name. Ever. Whoops.
*
So, since I've only received input from one source as to the subject matter to be covered in the impending weblog #200, THIS IS SERIOUS PEOPLE, I'm going to guess it's going to run a little like this: a life in review, 2005 - present. Epic. Sprawling. Incoherent and ridiculous. You ready for that? Yeah? If you have a better idea, or something you wish to be included, bring it, and bring it fast, 'cause I'm crankin' that baby out by the weekend.
Do you like how I write sometimes like I have an opera house's worth of an audience, instead of an intimate room full of the five of you? It's a lot like when I start talking to a crowd of 50 when I'm really only talking to my one friend who's sitting across from me. I need to be reigned in sometimes, and sometimes, it's just best to let me go.
I wish you could see all of these kids, in person, in all their rambunctious, idiosyncratic glory. In our most fluid moments, it's like conducting, paying attention to each instrument at once, giving them their moment, trying to fit them all into an understandable whole. In many moments, we're a mash up of marching band and orchestra, everyone playing at once in a totally different keys, drummers and brass and squeaky violins, me with a broken conductor's wand, so small that no one can see me waving it furiously.
And so it goes.
Speaking of 'furiously,' today we did adverbs in the 2nd grade level class, and while it's easy to teach 'describes a verb,' it's not so easy when it's 'describes an adjective or another adverb.' Also, 'ends in -ly' is one thing, but then there's 'there' and 'here' and 'then' and 'now,' which really ought to be 3 lessons instead of just one. Also, I don't remember EVER learning about adverbs. Not directly, not by name. Ever. Whoops.
*
So, since I've only received input from one source as to the subject matter to be covered in the impending weblog #200, THIS IS SERIOUS PEOPLE, I'm going to guess it's going to run a little like this: a life in review, 2005 - present. Epic. Sprawling. Incoherent and ridiculous. You ready for that? Yeah? If you have a better idea, or something you wish to be included, bring it, and bring it fast, 'cause I'm crankin' that baby out by the weekend.
Do you like how I write sometimes like I have an opera house's worth of an audience, instead of an intimate room full of the five of you? It's a lot like when I start talking to a crowd of 50 when I'm really only talking to my one friend who's sitting across from me. I need to be reigned in sometimes, and sometimes, it's just best to let me go.
Venus from chewingmedulla on Vimeo.
16 November 2009
Another Monday...
...survived.
Julie finally said a word today in class. Barely a whisper, but she totally said 'yes' when I asked her if she was happy today.
Jenny didn't call Julie bad today.
Both the new girls have great handwriting.
Andy was back after being gone for 2 weeks and asked to call his mom 45 minutes into class because his stomach hurt, as usual. Poor kid/get a grip/both.
Thomas wasn't grumpy and didn't fall asleep.
Lots of kids really wanted to snuggle today, for one reason or another.
Samuel didn't fight me when I sent him to the hall for punching Nick.
Nobody cried today.
On a different note:
THE POLLS ARE NOW OPEN. Now taking votes on the theme/topics to be covered in without trousseau or change of underwear post #200.
Julie finally said a word today in class. Barely a whisper, but she totally said 'yes' when I asked her if she was happy today.
Jenny didn't call Julie bad today.
Both the new girls have great handwriting.
Andy was back after being gone for 2 weeks and asked to call his mom 45 minutes into class because his stomach hurt, as usual. Poor kid/get a grip/both.
Thomas wasn't grumpy and didn't fall asleep.
Lots of kids really wanted to snuggle today, for one reason or another.
Samuel didn't fight me when I sent him to the hall for punching Nick.
Nobody cried today.
On a different note:
THE POLLS ARE NOW OPEN. Now taking votes on the theme/topics to be covered in without trousseau or change of underwear post #200.
15 November 2009
11.11
Pepero is a cookie stick, dipped in chocolate.
It's modeled after Japanese Pocky.
It's delicious, and sometimes it's covered in crushed almonds.
November 11th is Korea's Pepero Day, reportedly because 11.11 looks like four sticks of Pepero, and was apparently created by a bunch of middle school girls (literally) in the '90s. I'm currently eating my way through an entire box in an evening, which is probably not a great idea, health wise, but dang, some darkish chocolate covering a somewhat salty breadstick-like cookie to compliment a glass of red wine? How exactly could I be expected to stop myself? Not to mention they'll just go stale if I don't eat them all, anyway. 11.11 is like Korea's Valentine's Day - people give Pepero and various little gifts and cards to their loved ones, and (lucky me) sometimes to their teachers.
Yum.
Oh, yeah, I just remembered. The box of Pepero I'm currently munching my way through was given to me not by a student, not by my employer, but by one of the guys at the pizza place I go to in my neighborhood. He totally soothed my jangled nerves after a middle-aged Korean guy tried to get me to eat dinner at his house while I was sitting waiting for a pizza on the stoop of the restaurant. Thanks, Pizza Guy!
It's modeled after Japanese Pocky.
It's delicious, and sometimes it's covered in crushed almonds.
November 11th is Korea's Pepero Day, reportedly because 11.11 looks like four sticks of Pepero, and was apparently created by a bunch of middle school girls (literally) in the '90s. I'm currently eating my way through an entire box in an evening, which is probably not a great idea, health wise, but dang, some darkish chocolate covering a somewhat salty breadstick-like cookie to compliment a glass of red wine? How exactly could I be expected to stop myself? Not to mention they'll just go stale if I don't eat them all, anyway. 11.11 is like Korea's Valentine's Day - people give Pepero and various little gifts and cards to their loved ones, and (lucky me) sometimes to their teachers.
Yum.
Oh, yeah, I just remembered. The box of Pepero I'm currently munching my way through was given to me not by a student, not by my employer, but by one of the guys at the pizza place I go to in my neighborhood. He totally soothed my jangled nerves after a middle-aged Korean guy tried to get me to eat dinner at his house while I was sitting waiting for a pizza on the stoop of the restaurant. Thanks, Pizza Guy!
12 November 2009
21 October 2009
I am:
1. Homesick.
2. Full of delicious spicy cashew chicken with red and green pepper, onion, garlic.
3. Thinking that eating delicious food could possibly be the only way to get past being unbearably homesick.
4. Worried my kids will all fail their monthly tests tomorrow and Friday.
5. Looking forward to seeing some art projects on Saturday afternoon.
6. Wishing there was a cafe in my neighborhood where I could read books and drink coffee late at night. Doing that at home is just not the same. Especially when you have nothing but overhead florescents and folding chairs.
7. Devouring Her Fearful Symmetry at a perhaps dangerous rate.
8. Sad that I've already read 8 1/2 out of 9 of the Murakami books they have at the English language bookstore.
9. Overwhelmed by the list of things I should do to make myself feel less crazy, less burdened, less lonely, more productive, more clearheaded.
10. Proud of Samuel and Minnie for making Honor Roll.
11. Proud of my mama for learning how to email. Yay, Mama!
12. Homesick.
2. Full of delicious spicy cashew chicken with red and green pepper, onion, garlic.
3. Thinking that eating delicious food could possibly be the only way to get past being unbearably homesick.
4. Worried my kids will all fail their monthly tests tomorrow and Friday.
5. Looking forward to seeing some art projects on Saturday afternoon.
6. Wishing there was a cafe in my neighborhood where I could read books and drink coffee late at night. Doing that at home is just not the same. Especially when you have nothing but overhead florescents and folding chairs.
7. Devouring Her Fearful Symmetry at a perhaps dangerous rate.
8. Sad that I've already read 8 1/2 out of 9 of the Murakami books they have at the English language bookstore.
9. Overwhelmed by the list of things I should do to make myself feel less crazy, less burdened, less lonely, more productive, more clearheaded.
10. Proud of Samuel and Minnie for making Honor Roll.
11. Proud of my mama for learning how to email. Yay, Mama!
12. Homesick.
17 October 2009
Korean TV
This is the commercial that by all rights I should hate, should want to smash/burn/kill, but jeez the girl is cute and I get the jingle stuck in my head almost daily. I know it's evil, but I love it! Even though I don't speak Korean! Or have any idea what it's selling! Seriously, we all know this commercial, and more of us that you would guess secretly can't get enough of it.
I would give you the extended version with more people dancing if the internet would give it to me. CURSE YOU, INTERWEBS!
I would give you the extended version with more people dancing if the internet would give it to me. CURSE YOU, INTERWEBS!
Consumer Culture
My pants are wrinkled and I'm nowhere near business casual, let alone business business. I need an iron. And some nicer clothes.
***
There are places to buy things every 2 feet here. Socks, underwear, utensils, plants, apples, rotisserie chickens, pancakes, squid jerky, sesame leaves, shower shoes, utensils, peanuts, live clams, fish shaped cakes with bean paste middle... On any busy street are shops and street vendors, on any given side alley, you might find an open air market. I live right near 3 marketplaces (that I know of) that combine tiny storefronts with covered stalls to carry all your daily essentials. The most fun, so far, to venture through is up behind my apartment, on the way towards the little mountain that you'd never guess was hiding back there.
Does anyone know how to get a whole octopus home from the market? Will they cut it into pieces for me if I ask? Or am I just going to have to put it on a tarp and employ several of my beefiest friends to help me carry it?
Not long ago, I ate what was basically brined fish jerky. Snack fish are big here. Along with snack squid and snack octopus.
Chili pepper chili pepper chili pepper. Imagine this many chili peppers. Okay, multiply it by about 15, imagine it in giant heaping piles on sheets on the ground being sorted through by aging Korean ladies. Hello! Welcome to the streets of Seoul!
I'm already beginning to suffer from withdrawal from the taste of chili peppers when I eat anything that's not spicy. Some people complain about the spice, and granted, in can obscure other flavors, but DANG it's exciting to eat food that makes your face go numb. Okay, maybe not for everyone, but I dig it.
***
There are places to buy things every 2 feet here. Socks, underwear, utensils, plants, apples, rotisserie chickens, pancakes, squid jerky, sesame leaves, shower shoes, utensils, peanuts, live clams, fish shaped cakes with bean paste middle... On any busy street are shops and street vendors, on any given side alley, you might find an open air market. I live right near 3 marketplaces (that I know of) that combine tiny storefronts with covered stalls to carry all your daily essentials. The most fun, so far, to venture through is up behind my apartment, on the way towards the little mountain that you'd never guess was hiding back there.
Does anyone know how to get a whole octopus home from the market? Will they cut it into pieces for me if I ask? Or am I just going to have to put it on a tarp and employ several of my beefiest friends to help me carry it?
Not long ago, I ate what was basically brined fish jerky. Snack fish are big here. Along with snack squid and snack octopus.
Chili pepper chili pepper chili pepper. Imagine this many chili peppers. Okay, multiply it by about 15, imagine it in giant heaping piles on sheets on the ground being sorted through by aging Korean ladies. Hello! Welcome to the streets of Seoul!
I'm already beginning to suffer from withdrawal from the taste of chili peppers when I eat anything that's not spicy. Some people complain about the spice, and granted, in can obscure other flavors, but DANG it's exciting to eat food that makes your face go numb. Okay, maybe not for everyone, but I dig it.
14 October 2009
The View
My apartment building, a mere 6 stories with some private golfing (apparently) on the roof, is situated just so in a row of shops and apartments and restaurants and millions of things to buy that one would never be able to get enough perspective to know that there's a mountain. Right there. Take a right outside my front door, a right onto any of the side streets, weave your way up through some hilly residential area (a quaint sight that also seems incongruous in its proximity to our somewhat gritty digs), and suddenly you'll be walking up a well kept path on a modest mountain. To your left will be nearly forest. On your left, a sea of apartment buildings that barely seem real, and public exercise equipment.
I had the delight of seeing women hula hooping and using something like a cross between playground equipment and a gazelle, men praying (on my way up) and drinking and eating fried chicken (on the way down), children catching a bird in a net and freaking out, community spring waters, and an adorable white puppy covered in mud, all on the same walk around our little mountain.
Residential.
Buddhists, not Nazis. Look at those little flowers a growin.'
Mountain steps! (P.S. There are so many adorable cruiser bicycles here. I miss you, bike!)
Here is the pagoda where we were fed Korean pancake and kimchi and makgeolli by some very friendly people eating brunch. Delicious. We need to remember to have brunch there before it freezes.
Past all those buildings! Another mountain! Can you see it?
Cool, fresh mountain water!
I had the delight of seeing women hula hooping and using something like a cross between playground equipment and a gazelle, men praying (on my way up) and drinking and eating fried chicken (on the way down), children catching a bird in a net and freaking out, community spring waters, and an adorable white puppy covered in mud, all on the same walk around our little mountain.
Residential.
Buddhists, not Nazis. Look at those little flowers a growin.'
Mountain steps! (P.S. There are so many adorable cruiser bicycles here. I miss you, bike!)
Here is the pagoda where we were fed Korean pancake and kimchi and makgeolli by some very friendly people eating brunch. Delicious. We need to remember to have brunch there before it freezes.
Past all those buildings! Another mountain! Can you see it?
Cool, fresh mountain water!
09 October 2009
hey, remember...
...how i had that awesome going away party?
J&J gave me beautiful Gerbera daisies (technically, that was several days pre-going away, but still)...
Another beautiful J&J, from Janine's, came out to play (I write in the notebook and/or wear the earrings daily, ladies)...
What these beautiful men are doing made sense in the moment, and that's all that matters...
Scot, loyal 'til the end, hope to see you soon, my friend...
Laura, making an angle...
Mike, drinking BEER!
Tim, Andrew, and Laura, being awesome...
Tim, Andrew, and Laura, being MORE awesome...
No words exist to describe us...
Loungy...
Cue happiness!...
BEN!...
Aaaaaaaaannnd, someone please put me to bed. Thanks, Minneapolis, you are freaking awesome.
J&J gave me beautiful Gerbera daisies (technically, that was several days pre-going away, but still)...
Another beautiful J&J, from Janine's, came out to play (I write in the notebook and/or wear the earrings daily, ladies)...
What these beautiful men are doing made sense in the moment, and that's all that matters...
Scot, loyal 'til the end, hope to see you soon, my friend...
Laura, making an angle...
Mike, drinking BEER!
Tim, Andrew, and Laura, being awesome...
Tim, Andrew, and Laura, being MORE awesome...
No words exist to describe us...
Loungy...
Cue happiness!...
BEN!...
Aaaaaaaaannnd, someone please put me to bed. Thanks, Minneapolis, you are freaking awesome.
20 September 2009
little fascinations
1. Kids in Korea are trained to call their Korean teachers 'teacher,' as a sign of respect for the elders. Teachers at some hogwans are known by their first name combined with 'teacher,' as in 'Tony-teacher' or 'Megan-teacher.' At my school, we use the western style 'Mr.' 'Ms.' etc., but can choose to use our first or last name, depending on our preference. Saying teacher is so deeply ingrained, of course, that even my youngest kids still say 'teacher' every five seconds when they need help.
'Teach-ah, octopus spelling is what?'
2. Knowing literally nothing about Korean grammar, my guess is that either question words go at the end of the sentence or there is just inflection to indicate a question. That inflection is, of course, still necessary in English, and sometimes takes the place of a question word. Working with my kids, though, to get them to practice putting question words at the beginning of a question sentence is not easy. Not easy simply because I'm already so used to hearing the way they construct those sentences that it's starting to sound normal.
'Teach-ah, this is why?'
3. Daily, I hear 'Teach-ah, he is boyfriend?' in regards to any and every male teacher my kids see me talking to. One kid writes 'Ms. Blake *heart* Mr. Wall' on the white board every break time. I wear a ring on my right hand, and my students on Friday asked me if my boyfriend gave it to me. This doesn't cease to crack me up.
4. Lots of the little kids really like to climb on the male teachers during break time, to get lifted up and to see how strong the teachers are. I'll bet all the teachers seem really big, in comparison to these little ones, not to mention the stature of their parents, for the most part. I finally had one kid do it to me on Friday, grab onto my arm to lift her up, so I did, and she was pretty impressed.
'Wow! Strong!'
Yeah, and you way, like, 25 pounds.
5. I have one student who, every time we use crayons to color the pictures that start with a certain sound, reminds me very loudly, 'Ms. Blake, I don't like color,' to which I say, 'I know, Matthew, just write instead.' He always uses his pencil to write the words of each picture, and he's well on his way to being a better speller than some of my 4th grade age kids. I asked him once why he doesn't like to color, and he gave me a very long-winded, complex answer about how colors are too messy that I didn't really understand, so I just let him be.
So, no colors because they're messy, and even better, he hates sweets. One day, when I asked what their favorite ice cream was, Matthew answered, 'I don't like ice cream. I like vegetable.' On the day we talked about favorite foods, most kids said a fruit (which is really cool), but Matthew said, 'My favorite food is vegetable.' When we talk about apples, he talks about vegetables.
Needless to say, I like to encourage his quirks.
6. I was asking some of my students what kind of animal they would write a story about, if they could write about anything.
'Rabbit.' 'Rhinoceros beetle.' 'Shark.'
Tommy's response?
'I like lion and tiger, white tiger, liger, lion, tiger.'
That's right. One of Tommy's favorite animals is the liger.
7. 'Teach-ah, what minute?' seems to mean some combination of 'What time is it?' and 'How long until the end of class?' My standard answer to this somewhat infuriating question is the equally infuriating 'many minutes.'
'Teach-ah, octopus spelling is what?'
2. Knowing literally nothing about Korean grammar, my guess is that either question words go at the end of the sentence or there is just inflection to indicate a question. That inflection is, of course, still necessary in English, and sometimes takes the place of a question word. Working with my kids, though, to get them to practice putting question words at the beginning of a question sentence is not easy. Not easy simply because I'm already so used to hearing the way they construct those sentences that it's starting to sound normal.
'Teach-ah, this is why?'
3. Daily, I hear 'Teach-ah, he is boyfriend?' in regards to any and every male teacher my kids see me talking to. One kid writes 'Ms. Blake *heart* Mr. Wall' on the white board every break time. I wear a ring on my right hand, and my students on Friday asked me if my boyfriend gave it to me. This doesn't cease to crack me up.
4. Lots of the little kids really like to climb on the male teachers during break time, to get lifted up and to see how strong the teachers are. I'll bet all the teachers seem really big, in comparison to these little ones, not to mention the stature of their parents, for the most part. I finally had one kid do it to me on Friday, grab onto my arm to lift her up, so I did, and she was pretty impressed.
'Wow! Strong!'
Yeah, and you way, like, 25 pounds.
5. I have one student who, every time we use crayons to color the pictures that start with a certain sound, reminds me very loudly, 'Ms. Blake, I don't like color,' to which I say, 'I know, Matthew, just write instead.' He always uses his pencil to write the words of each picture, and he's well on his way to being a better speller than some of my 4th grade age kids. I asked him once why he doesn't like to color, and he gave me a very long-winded, complex answer about how colors are too messy that I didn't really understand, so I just let him be.
So, no colors because they're messy, and even better, he hates sweets. One day, when I asked what their favorite ice cream was, Matthew answered, 'I don't like ice cream. I like vegetable.' On the day we talked about favorite foods, most kids said a fruit (which is really cool), but Matthew said, 'My favorite food is vegetable.' When we talk about apples, he talks about vegetables.
Needless to say, I like to encourage his quirks.
6. I was asking some of my students what kind of animal they would write a story about, if they could write about anything.
'Rabbit.' 'Rhinoceros beetle.' 'Shark.'
Tommy's response?
'I like lion and tiger, white tiger, liger, lion, tiger.'
That's right. One of Tommy's favorite animals is the liger.
7. 'Teach-ah, what minute?' seems to mean some combination of 'What time is it?' and 'How long until the end of class?' My standard answer to this somewhat infuriating question is the equally infuriating 'many minutes.'
19 September 2009
full of lightness, full of weight
Lazing the day away, enjoying idleness and some light cleaning, eating a tasty egg-potato-broccoli concoction, drinking cups of coffee, and spending a lovely few hours talking to Ari on Skype after she got home from work. Couldn't quite shake the weirdness of talking to my computer with its built-in mic, no headset or handset or anything, just me talking alone in my room... I'll never stop being thankful for that girl who understands all the best and worst about me and the fact that we will never run out of things to talk about. Thank goodness technology can connect me to the reassuring sound of her voice for free, because I could easily rack up the bills it would previously have taken.
Currently sitting in my digs listening to music, eating spicy noodles and drinking orange juice, candles burning, thinking about going downstairs to get some bleach for my drains (the drains really start to stink things up around these parts), happy to be chilling out, happy to be right here right now.
Last night ended up as a noribang adventure that included teachers from both ends of this crazy city - Joe and Heidi were there with their friend Laura, Shannon, Allison and Bethany from Magnet, and wonderful Lauren, former head teacher of my school. We ate chips and Joe and I sang songs we knew only marginally with much gusto ('Celebrity Skin' and 'Origin of Love'), Heidi got down with some Disney, some ladies busted out some opera, I kicked the ass of 'One Way or Another,' and I got to hear Lauren sing the US national anthem with her stellar set of pipes, followed closely by a lively rendition of 'Oh, Canada.' (Why oh why didn't I take any pictures of this?? Gotta do better with the documentation.)
And then?
And THEN?
(This is the exciting part.)
I got in a cab by myself and I remembered the words my coworkers taught me for right and left and straight and we didn't get lost and then presto! I was home!
I think that's pretty exciting, thank you very much.
Korean vocabulary currently includes: 'hello,' 'thank you,' 'goodbye,' 'beef,' 'right,' 'left,' 'straight,' and 'over here.'
***
As we approach the 4th week of the 1st month, I certainly still have my moments when my emotions overtake me after second graders Samuel and James spend 2 hours making noise, making faces, farting, and generally doing everything they can find to do other than their work. I'm still trying to settle into discerning in the moment what needs to be taken care of and what needs to be ignored in favor of more important things. Though there is no tragedy, no disaster, simply a hard days work done, I am sometimes overcome. Those of you prone to emotionality in this way may understand what I'm talking about, others may not. I'm taking the advice of a friend and allowing a deep breath to precede the moment when the tears flow, and combining it with the advice of another friend who is a bit of a fountain of tears themself, and not feeling guilty about it when it happens. Let it happen if it has to, let it be a release of energy, a catharsis, and at the same time striving to not let the manifestation of my emotions take the place of actively seeking solutions when there's a problem at hand.
Right now, I am thinking that it ends up being less about how I experience emotion, and more about dealing with and letting go of fear and doubt, and just ... being. Just being the teacher that I am, doing my best, not spending all my time worrying about whether or not I'm doing it right, whether I'm any good at it.
(That last sentence, while about being a teacher, really ought to be said about being, well, a person on this planet.)
Anyway, I'm here to do my best, and then to experience a lot more than just working at a hogwan. I'm here to see the world, to meet new people, to become ever more myself, to try new things, and, most of all, to have the time to contemplate all of this. Constructively, not with the circular thinking that often pervades my mind when I'm too busy to sort anything out.
I'm here to put my thoughts into words, on paper or outloud, to voice them and then to be able to keep the ones I need and ditch the rest.
I'm here to appreciate the gravity of life, but to cultivate lightness in the face of it. To not take life so, well, seriously.
Oh, yeah, and I'm also here to spend Saturdays idle in my apartment in Western Seoul, sometimes turning my brain on, sometimes turning it on standby, drinking coffee and breathing.
Whew. Heavy.
The next post will be full of pictures, I promise. And anecdotes about adorable Korean children.
Currently sitting in my digs listening to music, eating spicy noodles and drinking orange juice, candles burning, thinking about going downstairs to get some bleach for my drains (the drains really start to stink things up around these parts), happy to be chilling out, happy to be right here right now.
Last night ended up as a noribang adventure that included teachers from both ends of this crazy city - Joe and Heidi were there with their friend Laura, Shannon, Allison and Bethany from Magnet, and wonderful Lauren, former head teacher of my school. We ate chips and Joe and I sang songs we knew only marginally with much gusto ('Celebrity Skin' and 'Origin of Love'), Heidi got down with some Disney, some ladies busted out some opera, I kicked the ass of 'One Way or Another,' and I got to hear Lauren sing the US national anthem with her stellar set of pipes, followed closely by a lively rendition of 'Oh, Canada.' (Why oh why didn't I take any pictures of this?? Gotta do better with the documentation.)
And then?
And THEN?
(This is the exciting part.)
I got in a cab by myself and I remembered the words my coworkers taught me for right and left and straight and we didn't get lost and then presto! I was home!
I think that's pretty exciting, thank you very much.
Korean vocabulary currently includes: 'hello,' 'thank you,' 'goodbye,' 'beef,' 'right,' 'left,' 'straight,' and 'over here.'
***
As we approach the 4th week of the 1st month, I certainly still have my moments when my emotions overtake me after second graders Samuel and James spend 2 hours making noise, making faces, farting, and generally doing everything they can find to do other than their work. I'm still trying to settle into discerning in the moment what needs to be taken care of and what needs to be ignored in favor of more important things. Though there is no tragedy, no disaster, simply a hard days work done, I am sometimes overcome. Those of you prone to emotionality in this way may understand what I'm talking about, others may not. I'm taking the advice of a friend and allowing a deep breath to precede the moment when the tears flow, and combining it with the advice of another friend who is a bit of a fountain of tears themself, and not feeling guilty about it when it happens. Let it happen if it has to, let it be a release of energy, a catharsis, and at the same time striving to not let the manifestation of my emotions take the place of actively seeking solutions when there's a problem at hand.
Right now, I am thinking that it ends up being less about how I experience emotion, and more about dealing with and letting go of fear and doubt, and just ... being. Just being the teacher that I am, doing my best, not spending all my time worrying about whether or not I'm doing it right, whether I'm any good at it.
(That last sentence, while about being a teacher, really ought to be said about being, well, a person on this planet.)
Anyway, I'm here to do my best, and then to experience a lot more than just working at a hogwan. I'm here to see the world, to meet new people, to become ever more myself, to try new things, and, most of all, to have the time to contemplate all of this. Constructively, not with the circular thinking that often pervades my mind when I'm too busy to sort anything out.
I'm here to put my thoughts into words, on paper or outloud, to voice them and then to be able to keep the ones I need and ditch the rest.
I'm here to appreciate the gravity of life, but to cultivate lightness in the face of it. To not take life so, well, seriously.
Oh, yeah, and I'm also here to spend Saturdays idle in my apartment in Western Seoul, sometimes turning my brain on, sometimes turning it on standby, drinking coffee and breathing.
Whew. Heavy.
The next post will be full of pictures, I promise. And anecdotes about adorable Korean children.
13 September 2009
Weekend
Lost and some bulgogi pizza and a nap and then some ice cream and some more Lost.
Sometimes you just need to stay in to have some fun.
Happy Sunday.
Sometimes you just need to stay in to have some fun.
Happy Sunday.
01 September 2009
10 Things I Know on a Tuesday Night
1. We're coming close to the 200 posts mark. Measly, for the 4 years I've been writing at this address. Awesome, because it's a MILESTONE, GODDAMIT.
2. We started class today, with our own classes and everything. Yesterday (Monday) turned out to be the end of the summer intensive, so the three new teachers at our school were in charge of covering the class of a guy whose contract was over. Nice to meet students, totally lame to be in class with 3 groups at the end of the semester, after they've had snack parties to celebrate the end of the semester, trying to play 'games' with them to reinforce school rules. Today was much, much better. Real lesson plans, books, new classes, fresh semester.
I taught a group of kids who are basically between kindergarten and 1st grade level at our school about 's' and 'm,' at the beginning, middle, and ends of words. I discusses families, the calendar, and the words 'meet,' 'pleased,' 'hobby,' 'interest,' 'where,' and 'too' with some 1st grade level kids. All of these kids know more English, and more about everything, than I would ever have guessed. Including the kids who don't want to raise their hands and answer questions. I've already figured out the kids that I'll need work on sitting in their chair (no, not the chair next to you, no, not the desk, YOUR chair), and the ones who don't want to offer up answers, even though they know it exactly. Hopefully I can find some way to get them to sit down/engage them.
Um, also, we played a lot of hangman. Because one of our books for the classroom wasn't delivered today. And hangman is AWESOME.
Tomorrow I teach those two classes again, and add my other class, a 2nd grade level class. The 2st graders were so freaking smart (and rowdy), I can't even begin to guess what will happen with these guys tomorrow. I've heard that one of them always vetoes game time in favor of studying; I've read a couple of her essays, she's clearly amazing. So, tomorrow will be yet a new adventure.
3. I still haven't figured out my zip code. I'm sure you're all dying to send me mail, right?
4. Soju (liquor cheaper than water, good for toasts and numbing your mouth after totally, riotously, righteously spicy food) is also good to pour on bug bites to get them to stop itching. At least until I get to the pharmacy and properly articulate 'mogi' in order to get some sort of tincture.
5. There was an adorable, new, cute little boy who was a. doing the robot or b. being a dinosaur when he was not sitting in his chair today. I only managed to ask him to sit down once, because whatever he was doing when he was standing was so fascinating. Don't get trapped by the cute, dude, just don't do it.
6. I went out to get a drink on break and one little girl gave me a hug for 2 minutes while another held my hand. All while I still got a drink from the cooler. And I had three kids give me a hug who weren't in my class (who I met yesterday), and another 7 say hello to me by name in the hall. These kids are AWESOME. And know how to write and spell. Even if some of them refuse to do it. I hope I can hold up my end of the deal and help them learn more and do good tests and stuff. Yeah.
7. I got a huge bed, but now I really need a mattress topper of some sort. That thing is as hard as my mom's bed, which defies some kind of physics in being harder than the floor.
8. I'm not jet lagged anymore, I don't think, but my sleep schedule is not what it ought to be, that's for sure.
9. I had an adventure on Sunday that included a market, a mountain, makkoli, and a mineral spring. Pictures to follow when it's not so late.
10. Any suggestions for cool/informational stuff I can hang up in my classroom that at different times will house kids from post-kinder to 2nd grade? I'm a little freaked out by how many grammar posters are up right now - that's great teaching, but I don't know if I know what all of it means, which seems shady. Taking suggestions. Alright.
11. How do I get Google to stop being in Korean? Like, completely? Not good enough at hangul for this yet; I'm hopeful that someday...
It's 1 AM in South Korea. I'd probably better go to bed.
2. We started class today, with our own classes and everything. Yesterday (Monday) turned out to be the end of the summer intensive, so the three new teachers at our school were in charge of covering the class of a guy whose contract was over. Nice to meet students, totally lame to be in class with 3 groups at the end of the semester, after they've had snack parties to celebrate the end of the semester, trying to play 'games' with them to reinforce school rules. Today was much, much better. Real lesson plans, books, new classes, fresh semester.
I taught a group of kids who are basically between kindergarten and 1st grade level at our school about 's' and 'm,' at the beginning, middle, and ends of words. I discusses families, the calendar, and the words 'meet,' 'pleased,' 'hobby,' 'interest,' 'where,' and 'too' with some 1st grade level kids. All of these kids know more English, and more about everything, than I would ever have guessed. Including the kids who don't want to raise their hands and answer questions. I've already figured out the kids that I'll need work on sitting in their chair (no, not the chair next to you, no, not the desk, YOUR chair), and the ones who don't want to offer up answers, even though they know it exactly. Hopefully I can find some way to get them to sit down/engage them.
Um, also, we played a lot of hangman. Because one of our books for the classroom wasn't delivered today. And hangman is AWESOME.
Tomorrow I teach those two classes again, and add my other class, a 2nd grade level class. The 2st graders were so freaking smart (and rowdy), I can't even begin to guess what will happen with these guys tomorrow. I've heard that one of them always vetoes game time in favor of studying; I've read a couple of her essays, she's clearly amazing. So, tomorrow will be yet a new adventure.
3. I still haven't figured out my zip code. I'm sure you're all dying to send me mail, right?
4. Soju (liquor cheaper than water, good for toasts and numbing your mouth after totally, riotously, righteously spicy food) is also good to pour on bug bites to get them to stop itching. At least until I get to the pharmacy and properly articulate 'mogi' in order to get some sort of tincture.
5. There was an adorable, new, cute little boy who was a. doing the robot or b. being a dinosaur when he was not sitting in his chair today. I only managed to ask him to sit down once, because whatever he was doing when he was standing was so fascinating. Don't get trapped by the cute, dude, just don't do it.
6. I went out to get a drink on break and one little girl gave me a hug for 2 minutes while another held my hand. All while I still got a drink from the cooler. And I had three kids give me a hug who weren't in my class (who I met yesterday), and another 7 say hello to me by name in the hall. These kids are AWESOME. And know how to write and spell. Even if some of them refuse to do it. I hope I can hold up my end of the deal and help them learn more and do good tests and stuff. Yeah.
7. I got a huge bed, but now I really need a mattress topper of some sort. That thing is as hard as my mom's bed, which defies some kind of physics in being harder than the floor.
8. I'm not jet lagged anymore, I don't think, but my sleep schedule is not what it ought to be, that's for sure.
9. I had an adventure on Sunday that included a market, a mountain, makkoli, and a mineral spring. Pictures to follow when it's not so late.
10. Any suggestions for cool/informational stuff I can hang up in my classroom that at different times will house kids from post-kinder to 2nd grade? I'm a little freaked out by how many grammar posters are up right now - that's great teaching, but I don't know if I know what all of it means, which seems shady. Taking suggestions. Alright.
11. How do I get Google to stop being in Korean? Like, completely? Not good enough at hangul for this yet; I'm hopeful that someday...
It's 1 AM in South Korea. I'd probably better go to bed.
27 August 2009
Just the Beginning
We're here, we're here, we're here!
While I was able to sleep most of the way through the flight from Minneapolis to San Fran, I couldn't catch a break but for a 40 minute snooze in all of our 12:25 hr flight to Seoul. Luckily, Korean Air is officially Freaking Awesome. Pashmina-esque blankets, little bags labeled 'for-your-comfort' with socks, sleep mask, toothbrush, and toothpaste, and bottles of water all waiting for us when we got on the plane. Totally respectable airplane food, including a beef-filled sweet bun for breakfast that was surprisingly delicious. And best of all, individual entertainment centers for each seat, with so many movies and music and games that it didn't matter one bit that I couldn't sleep: Adventureland, Sunshine Cleaning, Taken, I Love You, Man, some Stan Getz, a little Thelonius Monk, and (I couldn't get off the plane without watching at least one really really trashy something) He's Just Not That Into You.
Upon arrival, we had a little mix-up with our transportation, but eventually were driven to meet Eric, a really nice, helpful gentlemen in charge of all kinds of things related to getting teachers legally in the country and settled into their lives. He got Todd checked into his co-op (he's staying there til Sunday, and then he'll be moving into an apartment in my building), and then took me to my new digs. Got me set up with a bag full of bedding (need something to make it feel less like I'm sleeping directly on box springs, but at least I have a nice comforter), a bag of kitchenware, and even took me next door to the convenience store to get a few snacks:
Since arrival, I've also received a fridge (important), a tv with cable (for educational purposes only), cable internet (fast and awesome), and a table and chairs (good for grading homework, and for eating, because I've lost my ability to sit cross-legged on the floor for any length of time).
We've only had one day of training out of the time we've been here, at least for my school - we're technically 'quarantined,' and can't go on campus until Monday. So, we've just been exploring, eating things, trying to get around without knowing any Korean. Today we went out in search of converters for our plugs, and ended up in placed eMarket, in a giant complex called iMall, and there found an awesome grocery store (little kids in 'kids-heart-beef' t-shirts in a photo shoot around a giant hamburger, plus pretty much any kind of groceries we might want, including some Western staples), some Baskin Robbins (dude, they are EVERYWHERE here, along with Dunkin' Donuts, Starbucks, and many pizza chains ... weird), and a sweet food court with examples of all of the food in the front so we knew what we were ordering.
I've met some of the people who live on my floor, all of them teachers for the same school, and they were all incredibly nice and helpful: sharing tips, food (nectarines, anchovies), and maps. They're not actually teaching at the same campus that I will be, so I won't see them at work, but hopefully I'll get a chance to see them around here. Tonight, we'll get a chance to meet even more people at a going-away party for the outgoing teachers from our school.
I'm sorry this isn't a more coherent tale, but alas, not much to be done now. This is, after all, just the beginning.
The view outside my window:
While I was able to sleep most of the way through the flight from Minneapolis to San Fran, I couldn't catch a break but for a 40 minute snooze in all of our 12:25 hr flight to Seoul. Luckily, Korean Air is officially Freaking Awesome. Pashmina-esque blankets, little bags labeled 'for-your-comfort' with socks, sleep mask, toothbrush, and toothpaste, and bottles of water all waiting for us when we got on the plane. Totally respectable airplane food, including a beef-filled sweet bun for breakfast that was surprisingly delicious. And best of all, individual entertainment centers for each seat, with so many movies and music and games that it didn't matter one bit that I couldn't sleep: Adventureland, Sunshine Cleaning, Taken, I Love You, Man, some Stan Getz, a little Thelonius Monk, and (I couldn't get off the plane without watching at least one really really trashy something) He's Just Not That Into You.
Upon arrival, we had a little mix-up with our transportation, but eventually were driven to meet Eric, a really nice, helpful gentlemen in charge of all kinds of things related to getting teachers legally in the country and settled into their lives. He got Todd checked into his co-op (he's staying there til Sunday, and then he'll be moving into an apartment in my building), and then took me to my new digs. Got me set up with a bag full of bedding (need something to make it feel less like I'm sleeping directly on box springs, but at least I have a nice comforter), a bag of kitchenware, and even took me next door to the convenience store to get a few snacks:
Since arrival, I've also received a fridge (important), a tv with cable (for educational purposes only), cable internet (fast and awesome), and a table and chairs (good for grading homework, and for eating, because I've lost my ability to sit cross-legged on the floor for any length of time).
We've only had one day of training out of the time we've been here, at least for my school - we're technically 'quarantined,' and can't go on campus until Monday. So, we've just been exploring, eating things, trying to get around without knowing any Korean. Today we went out in search of converters for our plugs, and ended up in placed eMarket, in a giant complex called iMall, and there found an awesome grocery store (little kids in 'kids-heart-beef' t-shirts in a photo shoot around a giant hamburger, plus pretty much any kind of groceries we might want, including some Western staples), some Baskin Robbins (dude, they are EVERYWHERE here, along with Dunkin' Donuts, Starbucks, and many pizza chains ... weird), and a sweet food court with examples of all of the food in the front so we knew what we were ordering.
I've met some of the people who live on my floor, all of them teachers for the same school, and they were all incredibly nice and helpful: sharing tips, food (nectarines, anchovies), and maps. They're not actually teaching at the same campus that I will be, so I won't see them at work, but hopefully I'll get a chance to see them around here. Tonight, we'll get a chance to meet even more people at a going-away party for the outgoing teachers from our school.
I'm sorry this isn't a more coherent tale, but alas, not much to be done now. This is, after all, just the beginning.
The view outside my window:
22 August 2009
buh-buh-buh-bye....
Travel plans have changed a bit- Minneapolis to San Fransisco, San Fransisco to Seoul - but all four of us leaving on this adventure get to go on the same flights, get to keep each other company over this next long day, over these next many miles.
It's finally here, just hours away.
Dearest dear friends, I miss you already.
And to the friends I've yet to meet - YOU'D BETTER GET READY.
G'night, Minneapolis.
It's finally here, just hours away.
Dearest dear friends, I miss you already.
And to the friends I've yet to meet - YOU'D BETTER GET READY.
G'night, Minneapolis.
18 August 2009
Monday
...woke up ate cheese took a shower dropped off laura gave elliott his accordion picked up bike sold books bought books about korea bought manicure set watched tv picked up laura tried on clothes with no dressing room at the target remainder salvation army bought some teacher clothes ate cheese puffs watched tv talked to sprint guy about korea drank drinks ate cheese saw beautiful faces had great fun said goodbyes boy i'm gonna miss you smelled flowers tried to order pizza but it was too late...
17 August 2009
... the countdown begins ...
So, it's for real.
Now that I can take a moment to sit down, after the flurry of activity that has been the last many months... I have a visa, I have a plane ticket, I haven't packed yet.
SUN AUG 23
MSP to ORD
MINNEAPOLIS ST PL, MN to CHICAGO, IL
depart 8:40am SUN arrive 9:55am SUN
1hr15min
SUN AUG 23
ORD to ICN
CHICAGO, IL to SEOUL INCHEON INT, KOREA REPUBLIC
depart at 12:35am SUN arrive 4:00pm MON
13hr25min
Now that I can take a moment to sit down, after the flurry of activity that has been the last many months... I have a visa, I have a plane ticket, I haven't packed yet.
SUN AUG 23
MSP to ORD
MINNEAPOLIS ST PL, MN to CHICAGO, IL
depart 8:40am SUN arrive 9:55am SUN
1hr15min
SUN AUG 23
ORD to ICN
CHICAGO, IL to SEOUL INCHEON INT, KOREA REPUBLIC
depart at 12:35am SUN arrive 4:00pm MON
13hr25min
02 July 2009
teeth and smoke and wings and things
Dear Toothfairy:
My teeth have been falling out in my dreams again. If I put them under my dream pillow, can I redeem them for things in real life? Like the new Metric, maybe?
This morning, in dream Lawrence, I dream smoked a half a pack of dream cigarettes. I convinced myself that 10 cigarettes in a year still counted as quitting. Considering I likely smoked an average of 4000 cigarettes a year when I did smoke in real life, I don't think that logic is really far off. 10 cigarettes = 1/400th the normal rate of smoking.
Should I start a separate blog about my travels, a la Guatestrad, Kevman's blog of yore? Or should I just write on this here blog o' mine, this blog that will turn 4 years old in September? I just thought I'd offer the question up to the blogoverse before making any rash decisions.
Feeling more myself again, after many days adrift on a sea of salt.
My teeth have been falling out in my dreams again. If I put them under my dream pillow, can I redeem them for things in real life? Like the new Metric, maybe?
This morning, in dream Lawrence, I dream smoked a half a pack of dream cigarettes. I convinced myself that 10 cigarettes in a year still counted as quitting. Considering I likely smoked an average of 4000 cigarettes a year when I did smoke in real life, I don't think that logic is really far off. 10 cigarettes = 1/400th the normal rate of smoking.
Should I start a separate blog about my travels, a la Guatestrad, Kevman's blog of yore? Or should I just write on this here blog o' mine, this blog that will turn 4 years old in September? I just thought I'd offer the question up to the blogoverse before making any rash decisions.
Feeling more myself again, after many days adrift on a sea of salt.
25 June 2009
Atonement
Dearest dear,
Let me air my laundry list of indiscretions:
I have gotten behind on all of my bills.
I owe multiple friends money.
I have been taking things too personally.
I have been initiating terse, frustrated conversations.
I have not been answering my phone, nor returning phone calls.
I have not been answering emails, unless they are about the show(s).
I dream of letters, but do not send them.
I dream of hugs, but do not give them.
I can't pay attention to any one thing for more than 5 minutes.
Every time I go into my room to clean it, I fall asleep instead.
All of my white hairs are starting to show again.
I'm so full of pathos it's just absurd.
I don't write on the internet anymore.
Please forgive me for my sins, and I will do my best to get my shit together. At least by the end of the summer in time to fly far, far away.
I adore you.
Love,
Me
Let me air my laundry list of indiscretions:
I have gotten behind on all of my bills.
I owe multiple friends money.
I have been taking things too personally.
I have been initiating terse, frustrated conversations.
I have not been answering my phone, nor returning phone calls.
I have not been answering emails, unless they are about the show(s).
I dream of letters, but do not send them.
I dream of hugs, but do not give them.
I can't pay attention to any one thing for more than 5 minutes.
Every time I go into my room to clean it, I fall asleep instead.
All of my white hairs are starting to show again.
I'm so full of pathos it's just absurd.
I don't write on the internet anymore.
Please forgive me for my sins, and I will do my best to get my shit together. At least by the end of the summer in time to fly far, far away.
I adore you.
Love,
Me
07 May 2009
01 April 2009
Better Better Best
1. My last post was, alas, a dream I had the other morning while I was sleeping on the couch in my basement inside of two sleeping bags. So, New York will just have to wait.
2. Conversation at 5AM while weighing jars of spices for inventory:
Me: Taste Adventure Split Pea Soup?
Jamie: Yes, definitely.
Me: No, but ... Taste Adventure?
Jamie: Yes, it's an adventure ... You know the part in Star Wars where they're stuck in the trash compactor? Some people would call that an adventure. It's like that.
Me: So, you're saying it's like a garbage adventure in my mouth?
Jamie: Yes, that's what I'm saying. Reconstituted soup tastes like farts.
3. I have a new phone and it's shiny.
2. Conversation at 5AM while weighing jars of spices for inventory:
Me: Taste Adventure Split Pea Soup?
Jamie: Yes, definitely.
Me: No, but ... Taste Adventure?
Jamie: Yes, it's an adventure ... You know the part in Star Wars where they're stuck in the trash compactor? Some people would call that an adventure. It's like that.
Me: So, you're saying it's like a garbage adventure in my mouth?
Jamie: Yes, that's what I'm saying. Reconstituted soup tastes like farts.
3. I have a new phone and it's shiny.
31 March 2009
New York City Dreamin'
Somebody has to take a weekend off from ASTRONOME, and I get fitted for their costume just in time for the show to start. Unfortunately, the only thing anyone says to me about what I'm supposed to DO is 'Follow me.'
Luckily, Richard wasn't, for some reason, in attendance at this performance.
I get Brendan to promise to tell me what I'm actually supposed to do before the next night's performance.
I realize I have nowhere to stay while I'm acting in the show. I try desperately to remember how to get to Unoppressive Non-Imperialist Bargain Books, and start walking.
Luckily, Richard wasn't, for some reason, in attendance at this performance.
I get Brendan to promise to tell me what I'm actually supposed to do before the next night's performance.
I realize I have nowhere to stay while I'm acting in the show. I try desperately to remember how to get to Unoppressive Non-Imperialist Bargain Books, and start walking.
27 March 2009
Laika's Coffin
If you live in Minneapolis, please go to Toy Theater After Dark at the Open Eye tonight or tomorrow. You will be missing a really important opportunity to see some amazing works. (The good pieces were so good as to happily erase all ill will I might have had towards the not-so-good pieces.)
Check this out, alright?
Check this out, alright?
20 March 2009
Tonight!
I will play a song on the guitar in front of people other than the people that live in my house. Whee!
I'm nervous, but I'm wearing cowboy boots, so I feel like everything is going to be alright.
I'm nervous, but I'm wearing cowboy boots, so I feel like everything is going to be alright.
09 March 2009
noodles
Lifting boxes and putting things on shelves all day makes me feel like a noodle. Not a wet, soggy noodle, but an al dente noodle that didn't make it all the way into the pot, so it still has some really crunchy spots.
This crunchy noodle needs to settle into her schedule, take more satisfying naps, get a new set of knees, and feel some spring air on her face. Possibly, this crunchy noodle needs a vacation.
Some Things That Are Good:
Coraline
Thai Kitchen Pad Thai
No One Belongs Here More Than You
This crunchy noodle needs to settle into her schedule, take more satisfying naps, get a new set of knees, and feel some spring air on her face. Possibly, this crunchy noodle needs a vacation.
Some Things That Are Good:
Coraline
Thai Kitchen Pad Thai
No One Belongs Here More Than You
09 February 2009
Lesson One
Pacific Natural Foods Hazelnut Milk
I drank some of this at room temperature (serving suggestion is chilled). Slightly chalky, but not as chalky as rice milk. Definitely nutty, a little bit sweet, apparently from a brown rice sweetener. Steamed for a latte, not quite as neutral a canvas for the coffee as soy, but my taste buds are pretty used to soy at this point. Made for a nutty cup of joe.
Michael Angelo's Roasted Chicken Bolognese
The pasta was nicely al dente, and the tomatoes were flavorful. The chicken's texture was a little bit lacking. Not bad as far as frozen pasta dishes go, although I need to remember to put frozen meals in a proper dish if I'm to feel like it's a real meal. Oh, and it was on sale. That makes it taste better.
07 February 2009
Cultural Revolution
Try their vanilla yogurt. Try it by itself before you go adding anything to it. I mean it. Delish.
I need someone who knows me really well to recommend something new for me to listen to. Specifically, something you can burn for me and send me in the mail? Yeah? I need some fresh tunes in my life.
I need someone who knows me really well to recommend something new for me to listen to. Specifically, something you can burn for me and send me in the mail? Yeah? I need some fresh tunes in my life.
05 February 2009
Food Education
I straightened products in the baking/snack/cereal aisle today, and there are things that I've never, ever noticed, for all of the co-ops I've frequented in my life.
Garbanzo bean flour.
Quinoa flakes.
Hazelnut milk.
I feel like trying everything in every aisle that I've never had before. Even the gross stuff. Just so I know what it's like. So, once I get some money in my wallet, I'm going to enjoy a little food self-educating, and I'll let you know what I try and how I like it.
I think it's going to take me a long time to figure out where everything is, but as far as first days go, this one was pretty good. And I got found a free orange, a free loaf of sunflower bread, a free cookie, and a free Ginger Spice tea bag before I hit the road.
Yum.
Garbanzo bean flour.
Quinoa flakes.
Hazelnut milk.
I feel like trying everything in every aisle that I've never had before. Even the gross stuff. Just so I know what it's like. So, once I get some money in my wallet, I'm going to enjoy a little food self-educating, and I'll let you know what I try and how I like it.
I think it's going to take me a long time to figure out where everything is, but as far as first days go, this one was pretty good. And I got found a free orange, a free loaf of sunflower bread, a free cookie, and a free Ginger Spice tea bag before I hit the road.
Yum.
30 January 2009
Now I know...
...why I once thought to myself, 'Man, I took a shower an hour ago,' and then realized I was just walking past a bratwurst stand.
Men Smell of Cheese and Women of Onions
Men Smell of Cheese and Women of Onions
28 January 2009
Puff the Magic Dragon
I'm listening to recordings of my dad playing songs for my friend Megan.
I can hear Megan laugh sometimes, at jokes that I'll never know because I'm not there, and that makes me happy.
I wish we were sitting on my mom's porch, perched on the railing, while my dad plays and I sing along, drinking delicious beverages and feeling glad to know each other, and glad to be alive. You and me and everyone we know who likes that front porch.
***
In other news:
No need to worry, I have another part time job, one that will make sure me and mine are fed full of good foods all the time.
I can hear Megan laugh sometimes, at jokes that I'll never know because I'm not there, and that makes me happy.
I wish we were sitting on my mom's porch, perched on the railing, while my dad plays and I sing along, drinking delicious beverages and feeling glad to know each other, and glad to be alive. You and me and everyone we know who likes that front porch.
***
In other news:
No need to worry, I have another part time job, one that will make sure me and mine are fed full of good foods all the time.
23 January 2009
jazz 88
I think that the student DJ on the radio today is playing exactly the same set he played yesterday. Cause I know I heard something by the James Taylor Quartet AND a string version of 'Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead' yesterday when I was working.
Seriously. Not cool, dude.
Seriously. Not cool, dude.
Some Notes on Life and Living
Notes on Life:
* I've got a brand new pair of *ice* skates, you've got a brand new *?*...
* Astronome at the Ontological looks awesome. Three friends are in it. Who wants to take me to New York on a little vacation to see it?
* I may become a grocery stocker. I may also become counter help at a French bakery that is very far from my house, but I hear makes great French eats. I may, if possible, go on tour doing plays for children.
* My birthday is in one month and one week.
* I still haven't sent out those challenge prizes. Damn that procrastination gene.
* We're making some petite performances. We're thinking to the future. Kevlar, are you thinking about containers? Dawn, remember when we were thinking of eggs and adolescence? I'm about ready to start sitting in cafes that aren't the one I work in, sipping hot drinks and thinking of objects and space.
***
Notes on living:
1. Eat lots of vegetables.
2. Go for walks.
3. Shovel the snow.
4. Clean your bowl right after you eat out of it, even if the dishwasher is full.
5. Plan your garden to dream of spring.
6. Play on the ice to make a dream of winter.
7. Change your socks before you go to bed.
* I've got a brand new pair of *ice* skates, you've got a brand new *?*...
* Astronome at the Ontological looks awesome. Three friends are in it. Who wants to take me to New York on a little vacation to see it?
* I may become a grocery stocker. I may also become counter help at a French bakery that is very far from my house, but I hear makes great French eats. I may, if possible, go on tour doing plays for children.
* My birthday is in one month and one week.
* I still haven't sent out those challenge prizes. Damn that procrastination gene.
* We're making some petite performances. We're thinking to the future. Kevlar, are you thinking about containers? Dawn, remember when we were thinking of eggs and adolescence? I'm about ready to start sitting in cafes that aren't the one I work in, sipping hot drinks and thinking of objects and space.
***
Notes on living:
1. Eat lots of vegetables.
2. Go for walks.
3. Shovel the snow.
4. Clean your bowl right after you eat out of it, even if the dishwasher is full.
5. Plan your garden to dream of spring.
6. Play on the ice to make a dream of winter.
7. Change your socks before you go to bed.
14 January 2009
Who's Lame?
Me, for how incredibly long it's been since I've written anything.
Sadly, I don't really have anything to say in this moment, other than that I'm looking for a job. Again. Sheesh.
Oh, and it's -5 degrees, -25 with the wind chill today. (Glad I got some outdoor time in on Sunday! Yay for some skating and lots of falling!)
I promise I'll write something more substantial soon. Cross my heart.
b
Sadly, I don't really have anything to say in this moment, other than that I'm looking for a job. Again. Sheesh.
Oh, and it's -5 degrees, -25 with the wind chill today. (Glad I got some outdoor time in on Sunday! Yay for some skating and lots of falling!)
I promise I'll write something more substantial soon. Cross my heart.
b
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