Final day of filming for Extravaganza, including The Mother of All Scenes.
8:30 PM: Empathy belly construction.* Boiling bits of plastic baby in giant pot on gas stove in my kitchen. Room temperature exceeds 100 degrees farenheit.
Baby bits soften but do not melt. Plan to meld together baby bits aborted.
Plan to staple baby bits together using industrial staple gun briefly considered.
Decision made to purchase nude colored clothing to create empathy belly.
Boiled baby bits left floating in pot on stove.
9:00 PM: Beige/nude colored clothing apparently not in style. Camisoles of any color, especially beige/nude, apparently not in style.
9:10 PM: Discovery of seamless underpants exactly matching my skin tone that extend above the waist by atleast 7 inches in the Intimates section.
Loud discussion of how pregnant I can look in "slimming" underpants near dressing room before fitting.
9:30 PM: Loud discussion of underpants logistics in cashier's line.
Megan: . . . We can stuff some of the baby bits into the underwear and you'll still look pregnant!
Me: Megan, remember where you are.
Cashier: (look of utter bewilderment)
Megan: Oh. Sorry. I. Uh. I'd like to run this as credit, please. Thanks.
Cashier: Have fun with your baby bits.
10:30 PM: Baby bits stuffed down my underpants.
10:45 PM: Filming begins. One sequence shot over and over, as follows:
1. Sit in bathtub. Bob head back and forth humming "Three Blind Mice."
2. The Bohemian enters, prepares himself, preps for birth. Girl In a Green Dress: dress up, legs splayed out over either side of tub.
3. The Bohemian attempts to enduce natural birth, but is torn away by invisible forces.
4. Girl In a Blue Dress enters tub for C-Section.
5. Girls are horrified. I am ashamed.
Thursday, July 20th, 2006
12:30 AM: One shot to perform C-Section using real scalpel on empathy belly. Bits of batting pop out everywhere.
Gorify C-Section, batting, boiled baby bits and all.
And finally.
A TWO-HEADED, BUG-EYED BABY ERUPTS FROM MY STOMACH.** I am proud. My Dad flickers in the background.
This makes my exhaustion worthwhile. And remember, kids: this IS a comedy.
*This is the second time in two summers I have been fitted for an empathy belly.
**This is the second time in seven years that I have birthed a disfigured doll child in a show at the MAC. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
1 comment:
Those baby bits would have melted if you stuck with it. Abortion is not the answer, that baby deserved to be melted just like you were!
I liked all of that night. It was funny.
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